mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
