the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
