Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
