Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
