Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
