Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
