I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
