WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize