hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
