Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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