so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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