an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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