i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
