i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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