You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
