I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
