Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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