Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
