she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
