At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize