I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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