don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
