if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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