We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
