ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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