White coat. Heels.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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