Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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