I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
