Swine flu. Run for my life!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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