Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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