but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
