I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I looked at my own cervix.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
