onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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