It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
