everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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