he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
