After last night, I could never be a politician.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
