I can text with my tongue
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
