Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
