Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
