I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
