im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
