Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
