update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
