Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
