She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize