I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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