So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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