They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
