It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize