My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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