meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
