I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize