My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
