I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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