I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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