i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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