I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
