you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize