You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He has the fingertips of a God
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