White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
