the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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