I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize