i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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