Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
