i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
