i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
