so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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