I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
