I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
