it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
